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Obsidian

by Black Chalice

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1.
Undiscovered 06:38
The last rays of light illuminate this lonely room. All the joy of my life has left me. A suicide note sits unfinished in the corner, taunting me with its implication of another failure. I’ve let my self down by giving into the depression. Sought solace in the last dregs of a warm bottle of whisky. I only wanted to be loved and now that chance has gone with the changing of the tide. Show me what it means to feel alive. I’ll do whatever it may take. Whatever to my body, whatever to my mind. I’ll love your god as my own. I’ll cut deep into my flesh down to the bone. Just so I don’t have to feel what its like to sleep alone anymore. I’m sure that someone out there knows this pain too.
2.
I awake in pool of my own blood and my own piss. Stuttering idiot, what have you done? Did you drink from the bottle or did it drink from you? Did you cost yourself another friend? Failure is the only word strong enough to describe this life. Playing terrible fucking songs for you simpletons. Ascribing some depth to this idiotic poetry, ascribing some depth to the fool. Maybe some day I wont come to like that. Maybe some day I blessedly wont come to at all. And then the silence can blissfully reign. And then I can sleep in my eternal repose.
3.
Heliocentric 10:53
4.
Obsidian 10:18
I wake up all alone. I want to watch this fucking place burn. Pull from the bottle and light up the pipe. How I long to trace my veins. I’m sure this is what hell would look like if it existed: A never-ending spiral into depression. How I long to trace my veins. And just when the end is in sight, it tumbles further towards the bottom, a bottom I’m not sure exists at all. How I long to trace my veins. The poison in my veins shields me from the cold, harsh world outside me, but the burning in my head is barely dulled. How I long to trace my veins. There is a black knife, it’s made from glass. I wrapped the handle myself, and drew it back to sharpen it. And in that moment I realized that death was not the answer, that as deep as I sunk it would only get worse. So embrace the few light moments you get.

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released October 10, 2012

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Black Chalice Portland, Maine

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